THE SETUP

The Gang had its say on boys faking those otherwise awesomely therapeutic convulsions here. But while “boys” and “faking orgasms” are not ideas you’re likely to encounter often in the same sentence, we all know and agree that girls fake it, and fake it so good boys have no idea. Why; o why?

THE FORMATION

Biodun

Joy

Tony

Taiwo

Eniola

Jumoke

Kayode

BIODUN

To stop you from asking her like a learner for the millionth time “did you come?” To save your prematurely ejaculating ass all that embarrassment. To make sure you don’t renege on your promise of buying her that iPhone. To give her something to secretly laugh about anytime you play Reminisce’s .

As ammunition to deploy later in the future when y’all breakup and you start feeling fly all over town. Watch her take you down a notch or two when she snitches to the whole world about your wack pipe laying. It goes on…

JOY

1. To make the secks stop.
2. To epp the guy’s ego.
3. To cover up the guilt of not really being into it/him.
4. To make the secks stop.
5. It’s what she’s supposed to do, á la movies and M&Bs.
6. To make the secks stop.

TONY

Heeey!!! Why? How would I know? I am not a girl na. Well, I have heard from some women folk that sometimes it is done to help massage the ego of the brotherman whilst the ‘analysis’ is going on. *coughs*

TAIWO

Once upon some days ago on Twitterville, there was a girl with a story to tell. The crux of the story: she had sex with a guy, she didn’t orgasm (she wasn’t even bothered enough to fake one), and he didn’t give her t-fare. In the end, all she was bothered about, was her t-fare.
Moral of the story: zero emotional attachment.

That’s one important thing to note here, though, to fake orgasm, you actually havasm, you actually have to care about the other party’s feelings (and ego). But this is just one factor to faking.

First, let’s examine what the word “fake” means. In the basest sense, it means something that is not real. In the context of this question, a pretence of some sort. So why do girls pretend to have orgasmed?

1. In order not to hurt their partner’s feeling.

2. So as not to be perceived wrongly (in Nigerian society). No one likes to be described as loose and in most parts of this world, saying you orgasm is almost equal (if not equal) to being labelled loose.

3. It’s just less stressful to pretend so you don’t have to answer multitudes of questions that could come at you as a result. Simply fake it, and all will be well with the rest of the world.

ENIOLA

LMAOOOOOOOO! Tbh, I have no answer to this… But really, it’s not me they are doing… Next!

JUMOKE

Why the hell do girls do things? Love. Maybe.

Faking orgasms most of the time is to spare someone’s feelings so they don’t feel like their dick game is bad. This happens with guys they particularly care about. The guy might even have boasted about his expertise with earth-shattering orgasms.

Sometimes, though, the sex is so bad(or painful) that they just fake cumming so that the torture will end. Especially when the guy is hammering away with vigour thinking that he’s rocking her world. Snorts!

I don’t think I’d fake an orgasm, though. What’s the use of fornicating or having sex at all when you don’t cum? If I don’t cum, I will stop you mid-way and teach you how to do it. Someone can’t be wasting body count. Mbanu!

KAYODE

The most usual argument is that it is done to fuel the male ego, make you feel all gen-gen and shit. Well, that’s ok, and I understand the psychology and biology of it. But you have to question anyone whose ego is built around something like an orgasm, which is not even a state of events, I understand, all girls are necessarily capable of attaining. If you ask Korede Bello and Don Jazzy, they might say you might as well be trying to discover Mungo Park, whatever that means.

To make matters worse, you have girls with the wackest sex game ever seen on Planet Earth or ones whose what’s-its have become the fucking Grand Canyon, gleefully open their mouths and say they faked an orgasm because kinikan o se kinikan. How are you going to orgasm anyway, when homeboy might as well be plowing a coiled yard of yarn, or a gorodom of water?

In any case, do many of these girls know what an orgasm’s like? Does it come alongside an earthquake? Is it an out-of-body experience? Is it a cloud bearing you at breakneck pace nine leagues above the sky? I’ve had a friend tell me (friends are always handy) that he’s been with a number of girls (number undisclosed for security reasons) who run off and make a beeline for the fucking toilet because they have no idea how fucking closely related urination and orgasming are in women. In short, my people suffer (miss an impending orgasm) because they lack knowledge.

Point is this: No one will die if you don’t fake an orgasm. Fella might be disappointed but he’ll survive. Yes, guys can be selfish, but if you get to the point where you have to fake an orgasm, I’m not sure that’s a two-minute man or a particularly selfish man. As the amateur shrink that I am, pretending to help someone massage their ego is a neat psychological ploy to buff up your own ego. If you ask me, you have as much of a hand in your own orgasm as the guy you’re doing.

You can join the conversation below.

Share this: