THE SETUP

And this is not because Jhene A(la)i(le)ko was in the eye of the storm recently. Or Brother Bieber and Sister Selena. Or is it? Let’s try an exercise: say you have a partner, and some cheating has gone on in the relationship. On what side of the three sides of the coin would you want to find yourself?

THE FORMATION

Jumoke

Eniola

Rachel

Rachael

Biodun

Fatimah

Hauwa

Niyi

JUMOKE

Cheater. Definitely.

Cheating, most times, leads to the dissolving of the relationship because of the betrayal and hurt and what-not. The cheated-on suffers the most; the hurt, betrayal and the kick to the ego. And at the end of it all, (s)he loses the relationship too.

The cheated-with on another hand, àwọn tí side piece, they’re the ones that always end up with most of the blame (alongside the devil of course) and they lose out too, especially when they decide to catch feelings.

So if I could choose, I’d be the cheater. Then again, it’s not about choosing. I mean, if we all decided to cheat before our partners had time to, just so we can avoid being the one cheated-on, it’ll just be ridiculous farce instead of a relationship.

ENIOLA

Like my man Shizzle (kxyode) always says: “Don’t cheat with someone that has nothing to lose.” Plus, it’s cheating only if you get caught & most people don’t get caught. So there you have it. Number 4.

RACHAEL

Oh, I’d rather be the cheater! Winner takes all.

BIODUN

I have to admit there’s a certain kind of adrenalin rush that comes with knowing you’re licking somebody’s cream without their knowledge, especially when it’s somebody whom you know and who knows you but doesn’t suspect a thing. However, for personal safety and peace of mind I think it’s best to be the cheater, the person with the big picture whilst every other person sees just a part of it. Stories abound about side niggas and chicks being shot, stabbed or bathed with acid by over aggressive and irrational original bae owners who couldn’t deal with having their love interests shared by other people.

Why put myself at risk, when all I’m tryna do is get some, not get disfigured or killed in the process.

FATIMAH

None of the above abeg. Don’t cheat on me, don’t cheat with me. Of course, I won’t cheat either, but if I do, it probably means the relationship is dead already and I cheated just to bury it.

HAUWA

Lmao! See ehn, I’d rather be the cheated-with. There’s nothing appealing or righteous about being the victim in this situation. And I don’t want to know what being cheated on feels like, I just don’t want to be on that end. Call me selfish but some of us are just wired to dislike any form of pity. I don’t want someone saying “eeya he cheated on her, I feel sad for her.” Don’t feel sad for me, I don’t want. The funny thing is after the pity comes the amebo: “maybe s/he did something to make her/him look outside; we don’t kuku know what goes on behind closed doors.” And some will be so assertive that they’ll plainly say “she pushed him outside, you know how these girls behave now.” Or “when he won’t stay at home, travelling everywhere when he’s not Ajala.”

As for the cheaters, there’ll always be a wrongdoer in every story. No matter the side you pitch your tent, you will still get the backlash; just some more than others. Then the cheated-with is the spawn of the devil that tempted the cheater as if the cheater doesn’t have the cheating spirit residing in his soul. So, my convenient clause is; I pick the cheated-with who had no idea she was being cheated with. Thank you.

NIYI

But a part of this question is not fair. Sure, no one wants to be cheated on. And I guess some people would not mind being the cheater. But the cheated with? I don’t think he has a say in any of this. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t want to be the cheated on, I cannot be the cheater, but, I wouldn’t mind being the cheated with. I mean, what’s my business if someone wants to cheat on their SO and finds me worthy? Am I expected, after spotting and bagging a hottie, to say no just because said hottie is hooked? Come on.

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