THE SETUP

2016 was dubbed The Year of the Tight Belt somewhere, and if that looked like a joke at the beginning of the year, it sure as hell isn’t now. Recession, after all, looks like its an entire dictionary. Anyways, us mortals have had to cut back on our expenses. And pleasure, as we all know, is a big cost centre. We eat one meat instead of two now. Those of us who philander have found faith. Relationships are starting to be less intergalactic. Sango Ota boys are sticking to Sango Ota girls; Ajah girls are sticking to Ajah boys. If things continue in this vein, is it safe to argue that there might be a sound economic argument for self-pleasure?

THE FORMATION

Jumoke

Jumoke

Eniola

Eniola

Rachael

Rachael

Biodun

Biodun

Fatimah

Fatimah

Niyi

Niyi

Hauwa

Hauwa

JUMOKE

Economic argument for fuck’s sake. I don’t know about there being an economic argument for masturbation. Masturbation is for self-pleasure and self-induced sexual gratification. Not everyone who masturbates does it because there’s no available fuckmate, some just do.

And sex isn’t as expensive as people like to make it seem. There will always be available economical friendly arrangements for sex. One just needs to find these options.
Then again, celibacy/abstinence can save lots of money.

ENIOLA

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO! Sorry, I had to laugh. Whether masturbation is a sin or nah, celibacy is not that bad after all.

RACHAEL

The cost of two or more Uber trips equals that of a vibrator, maybe add a few more Naira notes. Without the stress of moving to him in the DMs, the expense of hanging out, the ‘don’t come yet, I’m still on my way’ during sex, the ‘what are we?’ drama; the devotion to birth control and pregnancy scares.

In fact, there should be no argument here.

BIODUN

Many horny teenagers (regardless of religion or background) find themselves in a situation where they literally have to take matters into their own hands to get their first taste of sexual pleasure. It’s a fact and nothing to be ashamed of that many of us knew our palms and fingers intimately before we got a hang of the whole dating and getting laid thingy.

Masturbation is a discrete, safe and risk-free means of relieving sexual pressure as long as it doesn’t replace human contact. You learn about your body (its pleasure points and other finer details) without any shame and at your own pace and convenience without having to jump through any hoops and without any emotional baggage. Most important of all, at ZERO cost (well, except you’re into the likes of dildos, fleshlights, blow-up dolls and other stuff like that).

In this era of change’ where everything now costs an arm and a leg (relationships included), choosing to take the free option with regards to sexual pleasure may just simply be logical. It is important to note that as of today, the girls (both the ones in relationships and the ones on Adeyemo Alakija) are not smiling at all.

FATIMAH

I’m not sure about the economic benefits, but I always say that it is better to get none, or to ‘sort’ yourself out, than getting some that is nothing but a waste of time and body. And honestly, if he/she lives very far away, the stress of the journey to and fro may outweigh whatever benefits you’re going to get from the diddling session. Anyway, both masturbation and fornication are sins, so y’all going to hell. Huhuhu.

NIYI

The question should be, Is an argument needed for masturbation?

HAUWA

At first, I thought, of course, there is! This economy isn’t smiling and you can’t be throwing money away because you have decided that your body is not wood, learn what self-control is, or help yourself to some jelly. But after some thought, the fact is no matter how broke you can be, bae should be willing to be there in both rough and spray-me-the-money times. And if bae is only all about the money, you can masturbate as a faithful partner that you are or join the league of the sexually active and find someone willing to get down without asking for your head. Therefore, the answer is No.

You too can join the discussion! Comments are below.

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