THE SETUP

A few weeks ago, we asked: Which would you rather be — the cheater, the cheated-on, or the cheated-with? Summary of the responses: no one wanted to be cheated on (we wonder why). Perhaps this partly explains the question. Perhaps. But boys tend to see cheating as a right, and a privilege that should not extend to their partners. Is there something about boys that makes them think this way?

THE FORMATION

Biodun

Biodun

Joy

Toolsman

Hauwa

Hauwa

Spencer

Spencer

Niyi

Niyi

Rachael

Rachael

Eniola

Eniola

BIODUN

Cheating is just what it is, cheating. There’s a thrill associated with stolen waters and the fly feeling (which isn’t gender sensitive to the best of my knowledge) is just a masochistic pleasure derived from knowing your body count is going up.

Oloni’s twitter timeline and blog are ample proof that both sexes enjoy stepping out. Cheaters mostly get hurt when they find that they’ve been served what they cooked for other people. It’s ‘dontwanttobedonebyasyoudo’, person wey dey thief meat nor want make dem thief him own.

 

JOY

It’s about ego. Ego and social conditioning cause men to feel entitled to certain things that they shouldn’t. They like their toys and their trophies, even if those come in the form of other human beings.

 

TOOLSMAN

I think the question answers itself really. A “man” will own his mistakes while a “boy” will probably whine a little and then try to blame someone else for it. Most of the time when guys react to getting cheated on, it always comes down to the ‘who’ or the ‘how’.

If it’s a guy he knows, regardless of whether he has cheated on her in the past, he will never take it. If it’s a guy he feels threatened by, it’s even worse but if it’s a guy who he is absolutely convinced he is way better than physically, wallet-size wise etc, he probably won’t bitch about it. Sure he’ll be pissed but he will probably come around eventually.

 

HAUWA

LOL. This works both ways, though, once you’re on the receiving end, you’re bound to be butt-hurt. But who knows? Maybe it’s because they’re too egoistic to understand how the other gender can beat them at their own game since many of them have been wired to believe it’s their birthright to cheat and a lot of girls have also accepted “it’s in their DNA”. Although I know girls are better at these things but this is something guys refuse to come to terms with it.

SPENCER

I’m a guy and I don’t know what you’re talking about here.

But really, I guess it has to do with the size of our egos. I’ve been on both sides of the fence here (something I’m not proud to admit regardless of whatever issues I was having) so when I was cheated on, I sucked it up and forgave. Even though the bae had no idea what I did, I had to tell myself the truth.

NOBODY likes being cheated on, infidelity in relationships has no gender. A married female friend of mine was talking about a day she met some other chic in a boutique and the said chic, with a straight face admitted to having more than one lover – was even on the lookout for more. However, she swore to kill her boyfriend (the one she was shopping for presents for) if she ever caught him cheating.

Cheating looks like fun but nobody likes to be on the receiving end. Even if there are possibilities, you wouldn’t want to know about it. The only problem is this male ego that gives us the impression that we need to have the monopoly on everything. Guess what, it goes both ways.

NIYI

I think this one is apparent. We all lie, but we sure as hell do not like to be lied to. I take my brother’s clothes, but my sister is a witch when she steals mine. It’s just how the world is; it’s much easier to be the villain than to be the victim. Then there’s that thing that’s called male dominance. You’re the man and having your woman cheat on you can be belittling.

It probably feels the same for women, but you know how unempathetic people can be about feelings. I think the hurt weighs the same in both instances.
Also, we’ve been made to see male cheating – especially in today’s climes – as normalcy. Female cheating, not so much. I guess that contributes, too, the unexpectedness of it.

RACHAEL

Ok, first, not all men think that way. A lot of people might be surprised to know that many men don’t even think they have a right to cheat. This doesn’t mean they don’t cheat, however.

Now, to the ones who think it’s their God-given right to sample all the girls around because their phallus is the master key to all the vaginas in the world, I would like to think it is a result of the beliefs our patriarchal (yes, that word again, because it really does exist) society has instilled in them that a woman should be chaste while a man should be allowed to get down with every Tomi, Rekiah and Harriet they encounter.

We can’t deny that most of us girls were brought up with tales of how we should ‘keep ourselves for our husbands’ while boys in the neighbourhood were hailed by their friends for getting as many girls as possible. Sadly, some men didn’t grow out of those beliefs while others did.

ENIOLA

LOL Girls also feel fly when they cheat… It has nothing to do with gender tbh. You expect a girl that’s not single to risk her life on Nigerian roads because she wants to collect and not feel fly about it? Aha! I think there’s this adrenaline rush that comes with it… dunno.

Let us know what you think below!

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